


5 Seasons

by heartspocky



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Anal Sex, Dysfunctional Relationships, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Jealousy, M/M, Oral Sex, Phone Sex, Post-College AU, So much angst, also Sora tops, and also fluff!, i am trash, implied/referenced familial abuse, uncomfortable situations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-10
Updated: 2014-07-11
Packaged: 2018-02-04 03:20:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 19,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1763969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartspocky/pseuds/heartspocky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In one year, a quick fling can bloom into friendship, into love. A relationship examined in snippets of highs and lows.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Spring

SPRING

Sora wasn't very good at picking up guys. Never had been. He laughed too much, too loud, and he fiddled with his hands and made stupid faces and even stupider jokes. He got clumsy, a little slow-witted, a little too apologetic. Most of the time when he needed a date he just sat back and let the guys come to him; at least, it'd worked back in his homecoming dance days. But his college graduation was soon approaching and it'd been a while since he'd really seen someone seriously, and he figured it was time to put himself out there.

Cid's was his absolute favorite bar; the atmosphere was great, small and cozy but not too intimate, and even though the drinks he usually ordered weren't the best out there, they were cheap and he could afford to cover his friends if he really needed to.

But tonight it was just him and hopefully someone he could connect with enough to bring home tonight.

Sora scanned the room--it was a decent night, a bit of a crowd but not over-packed, but it seemed as though everyone was there with somebody, which served to make Sora feel really self-conscious. 

Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.

Still, he pressed on... if for no other reason than to get a better look at the man who'd just caught his eye. He was tall and a little lanky but muscular, with long, white hair and striking eyes. Blue--kind of--or maybe green; Sora couldn't tell, especially since the man had just turned around to take a seat at the bar. It was okay, though; the view from behind was just as nice. 

He was dressed casually in a hoodie and a pair of loose-fitting jeans, dark boxers peeking out just barely, like he'd gone out without anticipating being picked up. Sora decided not to let it deter him and walked up to the counter for a drink and a closer look.

His stomach twisted; shit, he was just as attractive from close up. Not good. Really not good.

This guy was so far out of Sora's league this probably wouldn't even be worth it in the end.

Sora almost couldn't muster the courage to speak--what if he was waiting for his boyfriend? Or worse, his girlfriend?--until he finally realized that the only way he'd ever know was by asking.

"Hi! Er... anyone sitting here?"

"No."

Well, at least that was one suspicion struck down. Sora climbed up onto a bar stool, suddenly hating how tall it was and how tall he wasn't. Luckily the man next to him was still staring forward, so he hadn't seen Sora's not-so-smooth entrance.

"Can I buy you a drink?"

The man didn't look at him as he responded boredly. "You can do whatever you want, huh."

Sora cringed, unsure what that meant. He was about to hop back down when he heard a sigh from next to him, and a new answer. "Yeah, sorry. You can."

"Oh--great! Guess that'll just be two of whatever the beer of the night is then?" Sora said, directing it both to the bartender and the man next to him. "My name's Sora," he said after a bit of an awkward silence once they both began to drink.

"Riku," the man responded, still a little absently. For the first time he looked up, over to Sora. Damn, his eyes were intense. "My name is Riku," he repeated, a little more surely this time. "Nice to meet you, Sora."

"Nice meeting you," Sora said, apparently a little too quietly. Fair enough. "So do you come here often?" Sora felt his eyes widen. That did not come out how he'd intended it to. "That wasn't--that's not a pick up line, I swear, I just haven't seen you here before. That's all."

To Sora's surprise and immense relief, Riku began to laugh."I don't normally come here... I usually go hit a club in the north side of the city, but they're under construction right now so they're closed till winter."

Sora whistled. "The rich part of town."

"Yeah, I guess so," Riku said, smiling and not entirely meeting Sora's eyes. 

"You go to school?"

Riku nodded, a little taken aback by the swift subject change. "Yeah, I used to take classes at the University of Twilight Town but I'm..." he paused, thinking. "I'm taking a semester off."

"Wow...that's incredible. I didn't even apply there, I knew they'd never accept me in a million years." Sora grinned. "I'm local too though. I'm a senior at the state university."

"That's a good school, too," Riku said neutrally.

"Yeah, I guess so. I like it. But the University of Twilight Town... man, that's nuts...." Sora paused to take a sip of his drink. "Are you from the area, then?"

"Yeah. I went to the boys' academy from the time I was about fourteen, then I went straight into university." Sora shook his head, frowning without really realizing it. Man, Riku was smart _and_ attractive? This wasn't fair; it was like Sora had walked right up to the one person who was the most out of his league. Well, it was time to see how this would go... Sora casually let his hand inch forward, almost but not quite holding onto Riku's. A half inch or so separated them.

"I heard that the academy is so prestigious you have to take an IQ test just to be considered." Riku smiled again.

"That's an urban legend." Now it was Riku's turn to pause for a drink. He didn't take ginger sips like Sora, though; he downed a good fifth of the bottle in one go. "It is really hard to get in, though. I had to take a lot of tests. In the end, I was placed because I showed... an advanced adeptness toward the arts. I think that's how they worded it." He laughed. "It's all kinda bullshit, really." The word bullshit came out somehow cute from his lips.

"The arts? So like, music, or poetry, or what?"

"Yeah, a little of both. I wrote a lot. Painted some, too. Played piano and cello for a long time."

"'Played'," Sora repeated thoughtfully.

"Played," Riku affirmed. "Guess adeptness doesn't equal passion. It was more my parents' thing than mine, anyway."

"That's still really cool, though." They fell into comfortable silence at that point, soaking in the night life, letting it wash over them. Sora scanned the building. Suddenly it seemed really, really full; claustrophobic, almost. "Hey, you wanna get outta here?"

Riku hesitated; for a moment, Sora was afraid that Riku was going to say no.

"...Yeah, let's." 

And together they stood, Riku trailing Sora out from the bar and into the parking lot, where they both climbed into Sora's hand-me-down truck.

"Go ahead and push everything onto the floor if you want," Sora said as he pried the passenger's side door open. The night air was colder than he thought it'd be this early in the evening. "I didn't think anyone else would be in my car." And that was the truth; Sora thought that maybe it said something about his self esteem that he went to the bar to pick someone up but prepared to come home alone, but decided to chalk his behavior up to poor planning instead.

Riku did, shoving Sora's piles of paper and useless junk onto the floor and hopping into the seat, feet propped on the dashboard like he owned the place. Sora climbed into the driver's side and took him in. Logically he knew this was just going to be a quick fuck and they'd probably never see each other again, but for some reason Riku just looked so natural, like they'd been friends for many years. For just an instant, Sora got the image of Riku jumping into his car after a long day at work, ready to head to their shared home. 

Then it was gone.

Man, maybe he needed to lay off the beer. 

Which reminded him... 

"Hey, Riku?"

"Hm?"

"Want to finish my drink? I'm sure I'd still be able to drive but... you know, better safe than sorry."

"Mm. So where are we off to?"

"Somewhere we can talk."

Riku just laughed, chugging the last of Sora's beer.

*

 

"So let me get this straight--you go to one of the best schools in the country, got into this fantastic private academy before you finished puberty, you're some sort of music prodigy, you've traveled the world... shit, you're twenty-two. What now?"

Riku chuckled. "Now I just take everything as it comes. But that's enough, really... I haven't asked you about yourself at all. Before I do though, can I just say thanks for not asking me a shit-ton of stupid, invasive questions about the all-boys' school? Like, 'what did you get up to in the dorms with the other boys?' and 'did you wear a schoolboy uniform?' Man... every time." Sora laughed a little harder than he probably should've, throwing his head back against the seat. To be honest, the thought hadn't even occurred to him.

"No problem, man. And it's okay, I'd rather talk about you... my life is so boring."

"Try me."

"Um... I go to Twilight Town State, majoring in bio-chem, which I think makes me sound a little smarter than I really am. I have a brother who lives a couple towns over who I'm really, really tight with. We lived there when we were really little before relocating here, but he always wanted to go back. But I stayed. We've always been there for each other but I guess I wanted to see if I could really do it on my own, you know?"

Riku nodded a little absently before finally responding. "I do." They were quiet. "So what do you want to do after college?"

Sora shifted a little uncomfortably, grimacing. "I... want to help people. I wish I could be more specific than that, but really I want to help people."

"I think that's really admirable, Sora." Sora opened his mouth, preparing a comeback.

Riku was being sincere.

"And I like this spot," Riku added.

Sora had taken him to a little place just outside the bar that he liked to park and sit and just think in. It was close enough that he wouldn't get too lost on his way back home, but just secluded enough that he could get in a little private time. It wasn't beautiful--as of now they were literally parked next to an old restaurant's dumpster-- but it was just far enough from the nearest streetlamp that they got a nice view of the stars.

"I like it too," Sora said. Then, noticing it had been around an hour since they had began this particular conversation, "Where to next?"

"My place."

"Do I need to drop you back off at your car?"

"Nah. I walked."

*

 

"Some walk," Sora commented, pulling into the place next to Riku's car in the apartment's parking garage. Riku didn't respond, and Sora didn't press it.

"I'm one of the first doors down," Riku said, unbuckling his seatbelt as Sora turned off the car. "You ready to go?"

"Y-yeah." It took Sora a couple minutes to fumble with his keys to lock the door; he wasn't usually embarrassed of himself, but for the moment he hated the fact that he seemed to be the only person in the world with a car that didn't have a remote control lock. Luckily Riku didn't seem to mind, watching Sora struggle from a few feet away with a serene smile, pulling his house keys from his pocket. "Let's go," Sora said finally, hoping he didn't sound as sheepish as he felt.

With a nod, Riku led him out of the garage and across a long, partially enclosed hallway. Even slightly drunk, Riku was a little more graceful with his keys than Sora had been. Sora felt like he was watching the man from afar, the way his mouth dropped into a light frown while his face was in rest, how the wind just now kicking up tousled his white hair, blowing it in front of him over his shoulder. Sora hadn't realized just how long Riku's hair was when they were in the bar and, later, the car. 

Good; that was good... it'd give him something to hold on to. Maybe it was the beer talking, but Sora was wondering how he'd gotten so lucky.

Riku's apartment was deceptively large and held quite a few more rooms than Sora thought would fit judging from the outside; it wasn't exactly sprawling and lavish, but it was certainly bigger than Sora's suite in the dorms at school. The furniture looked high quality, though, and everything was exceptionally clean, save for the pile of laundry thrown onto the couch. 

"Your home is beautiful," Sora said earnestly, continuing to follow Riku, who was wasting no time in getting to his bedroom. Sora almost had the nerve to be disappointed--he really wanted to see the rest of the house. It'd let him get a better idea of just who had let him into his home... Maybe there would be time to poke around later. But no matter. There were more important things at hand.

And, well, speaking of poking around...

"Did you liquor me up on purpose?" Riku asked suddenly, laughing. Sora immediately opened his mouth to protest.

When he realized that Riku was kidding he responded with a hearty, "Well, of course!" which succeeded in his goal of making Riku laugh again. Then, before Sora could even process it, there Riku's warm mouth was, on his. He could feel that Riku was smiling.

Sora returned the gesture, deepening their kiss. Riku tasted like stale, low quality beer--or maybe it was a flavor stuck on Sora's own tongue--but it wasn't unpleasant. It was wet and sweet and alive. And Riku kissed like they were lovers.

Sora's hands left his sides to gently rest on Riku's face. Riku gasped a little when he felt the cool hands on his cheeks; it'd been a surprise, but definitely a welcome one. Riku returned to his task as Sora began to stroke him, moving his thumbs in slow, tender motions then down to trace along Riku's jaw... 

A little sound escaped from Sora as Riku began to touch him back, grabbing his hips and bringing them together. Riku rolled his hips forward, delicious friction causing another little gasp. Then Sora was on the move, letting one hand drop and the other stroke Riku's hair, grabbing a handful of the strands and pulling forward, toward him, letting it fall back over his shoulder the way the wind had blown it earlier. Still holding on, Sora began to slowly settle with Riku on the bed. Riku shook his head to push his hair out of the way; habit, Sora guessed.

"How do you want to do this?" Sora asked quietly as he began to work off the clothes on Riku's lower body. Riku licked his lips, grinning.

"Any way you'll take me."

*

 

It was funny, to Sora, how preparing for sex seemed to take twice as long as the act itself. But now, finally, the time had come: Sora was lying on his back, Riku straddling his lap, kneeling.

"Ready, Sora?" he asked, a private little smile on his face. "Think you can keep up?"

"I think I can handle it," Sora replied, astounded by his ability to snark when the tip of his cock was just barely pressed against his temporary partner's entrance, and he was so, so more than ready and aching for it. Luckily that answer seemed to be enough; slowly, Riku relaxed, lowering himself, taking Sora in. 

"Mm," Riku breathed, tilting his head back and letting a small laugh escape out from him. "You feel so good."

"S'about to get better," Sora replied lazily, grinning. He reached out, clutching Riku's hips hard, watching as his fingers made imprints in the man's pale skin. Slowly Sora drew them up, guiding Riku's movements, only stopping when Riku had let himself rise almost entirely from his place on Sora's lap. They locked eyes and Sora grinned, thrusting up while pulling Riku's hips down as quickly, as hard as he could. Riku whimpered and moaned, letting out a "fuck" or two as he began to move his hips. "You like that?" 

"Mm... it's been so long, Sora. You don't even--ah!" Sora grinned, quickening his pace, watching Riku's face. With every thrust he gasped, shutting his eyes, smiling wide. Sora watched as he grit his teeth whenever he went in particularly fast and damn--that body. He was tight and firm, not so much as a hair out of place, aside from his ever-tangling silver mane, which he reached up and tugged on or pushed out of his way whenever he ran out of things to do with his hands.

"How's that even possible?" Sora asked, moaning as Riku tightened around him and lowered himself again, slowly, taking Sora completely in and remaining there as he caught his breath. "How are guys not all over you?"

Riku looked away at that moment; an act that Sora didn't read into. 

"I dunno. You're just lucky, I guess." He smiled, tilting his head as he looked back down at Sora through his eyelashes, letting his hair fall over his shoulder. "Sora, make me scream."

He didn't have to ask twice. 

Sora rolled them both flat on the bed, throwing Riku's legs over his shoulders and driving into him. 

There--this was even better. He could move easier, and if Riku'd been vocal and squirmy before, he was close to losing it now; he fell suddenly silent, his body limp, moving only in reaction to the push of Sora's quick, deep thrusts.

Sora held onto his hips, pounding into Riku, incredibly close and just barely holding on.

"Touch yourself," he found himself saying, feeling a little outside himself. Riku closed his eyes, reaching down and stroking himself leisurely, like he had all the time in the world. "Come... come for me, Riku..."

Maybe it was Riku's body responding, or maybe it was purely a coincidence, but just then Riku arched his back, clutching his blankets, and came, coating his stomach in a thick fluid that Sora wanted to lap right off his body. Sora followed, wishing for a moment that he were filling Riku instead of the condom.

But no matter.

He pulled back, removing the condom and holding it awkwardly in his hand, eyes scanning the room for a trash can. 

"Right next to you," Riku said breathlessly. Sora felt a blush creep up his neck and the sides of his face.

"Er--right." He lowered his hand and let it drop into the small plastic bin that had been right out of his line of vision. Then he didn't know what to do with his dirty hands, so he tried subtly to wipe them on his legs. 

"And tissues," Riku said, smirking a little, handing him the box after cleaning himself up.

"Awesome, thanks."

Next to Sora, Riku stretched out on the bed, rolling onto his side.

"Mm," he purred. "That was just what I needed. You smoke?" Sora didn't speak, unsure which comment to address first; Riku misinterpreted the silence and elaborated. "No pressure. Sometimes I just need to wind down a little."

Sora settled down on the bed next to him, laying on his back, resting his eyes while Riku rustled around next to him. When he felt a tap on his shoulder and opened his eyes he found that almost ten minutes had passed.

"Guess I fell asleep," he said bashfully. Riku didn't hear, too occupied with his own activity. Momentarily he produced to Sora a lit joint and slid his own between his lips. It wasn't too long before Sora began to feel light and airy, started telling Riku things that did or didn't make sense and laughing a little too hard. At some point he rolled over, back on top of Riku and started kissing him with a vigor he didn't know he was capable of summoning at two in the morning, stoned.

*

In the morning, Sora was woken by a particularly loud bird.

"Shut uuuup..." he moaned, pressing the sides of his pillow to his ears and turning onto his side, facing away from the window. He blinked awake again, startled, and sat up, examining the light sheets. Off-white.  
Not dark blue like his own. He glanced at the man next to him, then remembered everything all at once. "Shit," he muttered, sitting up and planting his feet on the ground. "Didn't mean to spend the night."

Silently Sora dressed and gathered his things, leaving Riku still asleep in his bed. As he hopped into his car he noticed, for the first time through his disorientation, that something had been written in thick, black in across his wrist: Riku's number, and a date.

Sora whistled on his way home, finding that he couldn't keep the grin from his face.

When he arrived home he walked straight into the kitchen to throw a bagel into the toaster. It was 10AM and he had nowhere to be; plenty of time to go back to sleep if he wanted to, but he found that his tiredness was not unbearable. After thinking it over--was texting so soon the act of a desperate man?--Sora fished his phone from his jeans pocket. 

Sora|10:28AM  
Didn't mean to fuck and run. Hope you're having a good morning.

To his surprise, the response was instantaneous.

9873627659|10:28AM  
I was beginning to think last night was just a wet dream. Are we on for next week?

Sora smiled, adding Riku to his contact list with a few presses of a button.

Sora|10:29AM  
I was wondering what that meant. Man, I was GONE hahaha  
10:29AM  
But I'm up for anything, man! What did you have in mind?

Riku|10:30AM  
Yeah, I could tell. You kept laughing because I had a "funny ceiling". Anyways, I was going to come by your place and we were going to get high and watch your B movie collection.

Sora|10:31AM  
Sounds like a date!

Riku|10:31AM  
That's what you said last night. See you Thursday at 7. Enjoy your day, Sora.

Sora|10:31AM  
You too. 

He thought for a moment, then added: And sorry if this is a no-no to bring up, but man, last night blew me away. 

Riku|10:33AM  
Ditto.

*

The B movie night had gone on really well, and Riku and Sora found themselves making little excuses to hang out in the weeks that followed. Neither of them so much as spoke again about the night they'd slept together, nor did they kiss or hug a moment too long. It'd been a long time since Sora had had a guy friend to just pal around with, especially since he and Roxas were both far too busy to see each other in the recent months, so he wasn't about to question the platonic turn they'd taken. And Riku seemed to be a pretty good guy; he was easygoing but snarky, smart but not as intimidating as Sora feared he'd be, and his competitive spirit more than equaled Sora's. Yeah, there was still sexual attraction, but for now, Sora was happy with his tentative new friendship.

On this night in particular, Riku had stopped in as Sora was wrapping up a study session for his last final. The day was May 9th, and Sora had three days to go until he graduated and went out into the world to try and make a name for himself and blah, blah, blah. Somehow this had turned out really win-win for Sora; he got company with little distraction--Riku had brought his tablet and was doodling absently on the touch screen--and when Sora started to get hungry, Riku jumped up to make dinner for the two of them.

It was sometime after they ate and Riku had settled on the couch again, sometime after Sora had put away his last book, content with the progress he made, that the slightly older man spoke up.

"Hey Sora?"

"What's up?"

"Do you ever think about the night we spent together last month?"

Blindsided, Sora could only answer honestly as he gravitated toward the couch, next to Riku.

"...Sometimes," he admitted. Riku nodded once in acknowledgement and smiled.

"Did it feel good inside me?"

"Yeah--amazing." Absently, Sora noticed that Riku had moved closer.

"And remember how you kissed me for two and a half hours after?"

Closer.

"...Hours?" Sora repeated. "I didn't realize it went on that long."

Closer; Riku was next to Sora now, and he grabbed the arm rest that Sora was leaning against, twisting his body to face Sora almost directly. 

"Would you ever consider doing it again?"

Sora laughed a little nervously, to his own dismay. "The two-hour make-out session, or...?"

"Or," Riku responded, hand moving down to his own fly. Not breaking eye contact, Sora nodded. "Your last final's tomorrow, yeah?"

The swift subject change took Sora by surprise; suddenly he didn't know where Riku was going with this, but he nodded anyway. At least Riku's smug smile was reassuring--well, sort of--and his next comment was unmistakable in its meaning. "For luck," he murmured, leaning in close and guiding Sora's hand to his groin. "See if you can make me scream this time."

"I'll see to it," Sora responded breathlessly, staring down at his hand on its place between Riku's legs, almost unable to believe what was happening.

And see to it he did.


	2. Summer

SUMMER

"It'll only be a couple of days," Sora said, kissing his boyfriend on the lips before pulling him into a warm hug.

"I'll live," Riku responded firmly, pulling away. A sudden grin spread across his face and he ruffled Sora's hair, laughing at the protest it earned. "But I do kind of want to know why you think I'm apparently not ready to meet your parents."

"Oh, come off it. It's not like that." Frowning a little, Sora jumped up on his toes for another kiss. Riku met him only halfway, allowing their lips to meet only in the lightest of touches.

"You'll get the rest of that when you come back."

"Can't wait."

"Yeah, I bet you can't. Text me the second you land."

Grabbing his suitcase from where he'd set it by his feet, Sora jaunted off. He caught a large group of students beginning to make their way up from a different entrance, so he hurried to beat them; he and Riku had spent the morning in bed together, and Sora wasn't anywhere near as early for his flight as his brother had told him he should be, and he didn't have any more time to lose.

"Sora!" Riku called, just before Sora disappeared into the queue. "Don't forget!"

Sora grinned as he caught Riku's eye, waving and barely stopping himself before he bumped into the person in front of him. 

"I won't!" he called.  
*

 

Sora stretched as he stood from his seat, sliding out from his place by the window and grabbing his luggage from the plane's overhead compartment. The one good thing about his squishy little seat in the back was that he didn't have to engage in the mental battle over waiting for everyone behind him to pass, or whether to make a break for it. He was the last one out, and fine with it, in good spirits as he wished the flight attendants a good day on his way down the aisle and thanking the pilot, standing at the exit, for the good ride.

In reality, the trip had been a real drag. They'd hit turbulence three or four times, the last time so rough that some of the overheads had sprung open and about a fourth of the passengers saw their luggage come crashing to the ground. The kid next to him, a pretty girl who was maybe a few years younger than Sora and only seemed to speak some language Sora didn’t know, closed her eyes and began to pray quietly to herself. Sora'd felt bad for everyone who got so worked up, but never really feared for his life at any point or anything. All he cared about was that it'd been severe enough to wake him from his nap, and everyone knew that Sora slept like the dead.

The sun was blinding as he exited the narrow hallway from the plane into the bustle of this new airport; of course the building featured grandiose, floor-to-ceiling windows, and of course he'd left his sunglasses deep in some hidden pocket inside his suitcase. 

At least he didn't need to set out for baggage claim and instead headed for the exit, winding through the little maze of restaurants and souvenir shops and down two sets of escalators to get into some fresh air--well, city air-- where he hailed a cab and hot-footed it to his parents' place as soon as possible.  
*

 

Sora wasn't surprised to find the house empty when he got home; his dad's car wasn't in the driveway, which meant that his parents had probably left early to finish with all the preparations. The last time the entire family had all gotten together for a reunion like this... had he and Roxas really been as young as four or five? It was hard to believe.

Sora tried to remember as he knelt on the modest, one-story home's stoop and lifted up the welcome mat, feeling underneath until he found one slightly uneven spot; he dug his fingers into the small space that broke up the otherwise smooth concrete and lifted it, pushing it aside. On a patch of dirt in the empty space sat the spare key, which Sora pocketed before setting everything back in its proper place. 

He took a moment to soak in the home he'd lived in his whole life, with its dark red door and trim, the newest of his mother's hanging plants, green and sprawling, hanging just to the left of a small chair and dusty, grimy table set out ages ago. The print on the welcome mat, a graphic of a keyboard with all but the seven letters that spelled “welcome” left blank, always made Sora smile; his Dad worked with computers. 

Grabbing his suitcase, Sora unlocked the door and let himself in, heading down the hall and straight into what had once been his room. His dorm at school and his new apartment were carpeted; he missed the sound of a hardwood floor and clopped on it a little harder than necessary as he set down his things. There wasn't time to unpack. He'd worry about that later. In the meantime, Sora padded to the kitchen, grabbed the phone off its cradle, and dialed Roxas's number.

"Hey, Roxas?" Sora asked when he heard movement on the other line.

"Crazy, I literally grabbed my cell to call you when you called. Are you ready for me to come pick you up?"

"Please and thank you!" 

*

 

At least the car ride had gone more smoothly than the plane ride had. Since college had began, separating them for longer periods than they'd ever known, Sora and Roxas fell in and out of contact, both busy with work and school and conflicting schedules. But one thing hadn't changed: they could still see each other or hear the other's voice and pick up a conversation as if they'd never spent any time apart.

"You're sure you want to stay in some hotel?" Sora asked for the second time as Roxas pulled into an empty spot in the parking lot behind the park his parents had picked for the reunion. It wasn't one that Sora and Roxas were familiar with; when they were little, they played at a slightly smaller one on the opposite side of town, so they hadn't had any clue where to find parking. As a result, they were running a little late. Roxas hurried to turn off the car and unbuckle, throwing the door open and jumping out. Sora wasn't sure if he'd even respond, and they were on their way to the predestined meeting spot before he responded.

"Yeah, it's fine," Roxas said, a little out of breath as he picked up his pace, causing Sora to really have to power-walk to keep up. He turned to Sora, grinning. "I had to share a room with you for eighteen years, and I don't want to spend one more night with you." 

Sora laughed, shoving Roxas in the arm and speeding up. 

"Race you!" he called as he spotted the balloons tied to a picnic chair, their last name branded on all sides in bold white letters, and the figures of his parents, grandparents, and cousins.  
*

 

Sora could swear that he had about twice as much family as he remembered having. As he took a seat at the picnic table, two hours after the socializing had begun, after he'd been grilled about his friendships, relationships, jobs, education, and life in the next city, it was time for a breather.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone; the screen was black.

"Shit," he muttered, paying no mind to Roxas taking a seat across from him with two cans of soda. He turned his phone on, noting the time--2:15, three hours after his 45-minute flight had taken off. He groaned, in disbelief over his absent mindedness. He'd graduated from college but couldn't even remember to turn on his phone after having it off for less than an hour? 

The barrage of text messages hit one after the other, after the other, after the other.

"...Shit," he muttered again watching the screen, a little less certain. He felt like his phone would never stop buzzing, but when it did, he found that he had almost one hundred text notifications. Twenty-eight missed calls. All from one number.

Roxas watched quizzically as Sora stood up, dialing the number and taking a step closer to a small group of trees. If he got chewed out over this, he didn't want his defense to be overheard by his entire family.

125 messages in total that Riku had left, in a span of just shy of four hours. Calculating it quickly in his head, Sora realized that that was almost two texts a minute. What could have possibly happened to make Riku that desperate to contact him? Had he just sat there, at home, hitting 're-send' over and over again? A glance had told Sora that most of the texts read the same: 'Where are you's and 'everything ok's, and '?', '?', '?'.

An emergency. 

Maybe there'd been an emergency, and Riku had been trying to contact him, and Sora had been so forgetful, so stupid, his forgetfulness got him in trouble so much when he was a kid and now--

"Sora?" Riku's voice sounded casual, not at all harried. Now he was really confused. Maybe his phone just fritzed out, or something, and made it look like Riku had texted him seventy-five question marks.

"Hey!" Sora said weakly. "So, I forgot to turn on my phone."

"Yeah, you did."

Sora winced. What did that warm little response mean?

"Sorry... things got really crazy for a while. I could hardly get away from my family." Sora laughed a little nervously; it was mostly true, at least. There was a beat.

"You're lying, but okay." That comment caught Sora a little off-guard, but he recovered quickly.

"Look, I'm sorry. It slipped my mind. Everything okay back there?"

"Yeah," Riku said. "Everything's fine. Glad to know you got there okay."

"Yeah! The flight sucked but whatever, and I'm having a good time, and I can't wait to see you again."

"Four more days, right?" Riku asked, but it wasn't a question. He had a way of doing that.

"Yep, four days, then you have to put up with me again." Sora laughed at his own joke until Riku joined in, then figured that was a good note to leave the conversation on. "Hey, I gotta run, I'm starving and my mom is gonna break out the red rice soon. I'll remember to call you tonight. Like, probably eleven-ish? I'll have my phone on me, and, uh, actually on, so give me a nudge if I forget." 

"All right," Riku said, and Sora could hear a little smile in his words.

Sora sighed in relief as he stroke back over to the picnic table. He took a seat next to Roxas toward the end of the table, across from his mother who, along with her own mother and grandmother, had left to start serving up their traditional dinner on paper plates. Thankfully the park wasn't too busy; Sora's family was taking up nearly every table. Hungry as he was at nearly six o'clock, and even with the sky at its most serene near-sunset pinks and baby blues, Sora sighed, his mind fixed on Riku.

"What's up?" Roxas asked quietly, turning his body away from one of their cousins from their mother's side.

"My boyfriend," Sora explained simply, then thought better of it. "Nah, it's fine. It's all fine."

"You sure?" Roxas dropped his voice lower. "You should've seen your face when your phone started going all crazy. Was that him?"

"...Yeah." Sora stared forward as his grandmother made the rounds, dropping spoonfuls of rice, adzuki beans, and slices of fish into his relative's plates before reaching him and Roxas, who both thanked her automatically. Neither ate. "I promised to call him when I landed, and I forgot, and he was pretty sore about it." There was no missing the look that comment earned him; the slightly furrowed brow and mouth twitch as Roxas tried to avoid frowning were Sora staples, too. "Like I said, it's not really that big a deal. He's usually really cool, I was just... surprised. I guess." Sora took his first bite, watching as his mother took her seat and gave his dad a kiss on the forehead before settling. He averted his eyes. "He texted me like, a hundred times. I'm not exaggerating. I looked and he texted me almost a hundred times... It's probably nothing. Maybe my phone glitched."

Roxas took Sora eating as a sign that he could start to eat, too.

"You really think your phone sent you a bunch of repeat messages?" he asked.

"...no," Sora said honestly, beginning to eat at his normal pace. Damn he missed his mother's cooking, and his Grandma's, too. Riku cooked when he was over, and he was just fine at it, but Riku didn't really do traditional. And if he tried, it wouldn't be the same. The women in his family were special that way, Sora supposed.

"Can I see your phone?" Roxas asked suddenly, and Sora's first thought was a resounding 'no'. But he and Roxas didn't keep secrets, so he relented. He grabbed his phone out from the pocket in his hoodie and handed it to Roxas under the table so their parents wouldn't see and reprimand them for not being social. Sora watched from the corner of his eye as Roxas unlocked his phone--of course Roxas knew his password--and almost physically gasped. 

"That's a red flag," Roxas said quietly, passing Sora's phone back to him. "That's a definite red flag. Sora, he is crazy."

"That's what four years of studying Psych taught you? Is that your official diagnosis, Doctor?" Roxas snorted.

"Will you boys quit being so anti-social?" their mother piped in suddenly; Sora and Roxas turned to each other and grinned before Roxas turned to speak with their cousin.  
*

 

The ride home seemed longer than the ride there; even though it was only nine, to Sora, it felt much later. His voice was almost hoarse from talking, but that didn't keep him quiet as Roxas drove him to their parents' house.

"Riku is a really great guy," he said. "You really don't understand. He's so chill, and really fun, and super smart. He's really cute but, I mean, you know that, I showed you the pictures. I like him a lot. Nothing like this has ever happened before. It's so weird." Roxas remained quiet, staring ahead. "We have a lot in common, and he's all over my dick like you wouldn't believe. I'm so into him."

"I believe you," Roxas cut in finally. "I just don't want you to get in too deep."

"Nah. You know me."

They finished the drive in silence until Roxas pulled up to the familiar red-doored house in their quiet little neighborhood. Only when Sora unbuckled, thanking Roxas for the ride, did he speak up again.

"Look, Sora. I've been in my fair share of shitty relationships, and it sucks you dry. Like, maybe this is a weird incident and it'll never happen again. But if this looks like it's gonna become a thing... just get out while you can. All right? I'm serious."

"Okay," Sora responded a little impatiently. "I gotcha loud and clear. We still on for lunch tomorrow?"

"Yeah. I'll send you a reminder text in the morning. Or maybe like eight hundred. I think eight hundred is reasonable."

Sora groaned, covering his eyes, but laughing despite himself as he hopped out of the car. He was halfway to the porch when Roxas rolled down his window and called out for him; Sora walked back over, hands in his pockets.

"Hm?"

"And Sora? This is my psych student side coming through: obsessive behavior like that is really, really troubling."

And Sora didn't want to admit it, but he was beginning to agree.  
*

 

In the end, Sora decided that it would be best to face the issue head-on. He called Riku at a quarter to eleven, pretty confident about how this would go. Nothing he said to Roxas in the car was a lie--in fact, he was pretty sure that Riku was someone he could fall in love with. They just needed to address this... thing... that happened, then they'd be fine.

"Hey, Sora!" Riku said brightly.

"Hey you," Sora responded, sitting cross-legged on the bed. 

"How'd the rest of your day go?"

"Great, it was really nice seeing everybody again. I can't wait for you to meet them all, next time around."

"I'll look forward to it."

Time to cut to the chase, Sora figured. 

"Hey, I gotta ask you something."

"What's that?"

Sora paused, beginning to play with a snag on the bedspread. "So, when I turned my phone on, I had a bunch of missed calls and stuff. Did you actually send me..." he picked up his phone and checked the log again. "... ninety-seven texts today?"

"...well, you didn't respond."

"And you called like, twenty-eight times?"

"I wasn't keeping track, Sora. I don't know. I guess that sounds right."

It would have been easier, somehow, if Riku had just lied. Or if he hadn't sounded so nonchalant about it.

Sora tried not to sound accusatory as he asked one simple question: "Err, why?"

"Well--fuck, Sora, you weren't responding! I was sitting at home and there was nothing else I could do!"

"You coulda sent, I dunno. Like one or two texts."

"And you could've actually turned on your phone when you said you would, stupid." Sora grinned at the insult.

"You little shit," he teased in return. "How many times do I have to apologize?"

"Don't know--how many times can I get it out of you?"

It felt good to laugh together, and all the tension from the evening seemed to have dissipated. Sora flopped down on his back, listening as Riku talked about his day, savoring the sound of his voice.

"I miss you," Sora said suddenly.

"Mmm. I miss you, too." They let the words sit between them before Riku said, "So, I just got out of the shower, maybe a couple minutes before you called."

"Hm?"

"I'm half-dressed and still dripping wet. What would you do if you were here?"

Sora grinned, thinking he should've recognized the sudden haughty tone to Riku's voice and known what it meant right then and there. He licked his lips and slid down, snuggling into the bed. Unzipped his fly.

"Well... which half is dressed?"

"Bottom half," Riku responded without hesitation. "Boxers and my gray pajama pants, the ones we picked up when we were out last week."

Sora closed his eyes, picturing Riku dressed as described, fresh out of the shower, water running down his torso, clean and in the house alone, and had the sudden desire to be right there with him, to dirty him up a little.

"I'd take 'em off you," Sora said finally, voice a little husky. "I'd grab the waistband of your pajamas and push them down, slowly, before pulling them off and throwing them off the bed... and I'd try to be slow with the boxers, too, but you know me, I'd get impatient... would want to see you..."

"I'd be hard," Riku supplied. "I'd be hard, all for you. And what about you?"

"Mm. Yeah, me too. And I'd just be in a tank top and boxers, so you'd be able to tell how turned on I was. I'd ask you which half you wanted me to take off first."

"Hot," Riku breathed. "I'd pick the top to save the best for last. What else would you do, Sora?" Hearing his name said that way made Sora shiver. He began to stroke himself, lightly, over his clothes before deciding to pull himself out. That was where this was headed, anyway.

"I know you'd want me to get in you, and I'd want to be in you but... yeah, best for last... I'd start to kiss and lick you, up and down. All over."

"And...?"

"And I wouldn't stop until I got to taste every inch of you."

"I wouldn't want you to stop... are you touching yourself, Sora?" Sora nodded, not realizing Riku couldn't see. Not caring.

"Yeah. Yeah, I am. Are you?"

Riku chuckled over the other line. "Do you want me to? Does that get you off?"

Sora wasn't quite sure what that meant, but he replied anyway. "Yeah. Yeah, I want you to touch yourself."

"I'm doing it. I'm gonna ruin my pajama pants, I hope you know." Sora smiled, rolling his eyes.

"Then take them off." It was a common sense comment to Sora; it wasn't until he heard a little shuffling on the other end that his eyes widened and he asked, "Wait, are you doing it?"

"Mm-hm." Another moment passed, a little more shuffling. Riku chuckled again. "How good are you... you got me naked and hard and thinking about you without even being in the room. Still stroking myself. What would you do after you finished tasting me?"

"Then I'd start touching you in all the same places. Everywhere, all over... I'd want you really hungry for me."

"I am, Sora... I am."

"I'd wait until you were nearly out of your mind wanting it, then I'd spread your legs wide open, and stick a finger in you."

"Just one?"

"Yeah. Yeah, just one, and I'd find the spot that makes you go nuts. I'd keep it there for a while and watch..." Sora swallowed hard; began to stroke himself faster. "I'd watch your cute face." Riku made something that might've been a moan, might've been a protest. "Then when you were dripping wet, I'd take that finger out and put in two, stretching you, getting you ready... but I mean, I'd have my own fun just finger-fucking you, and you would too, I know..." Sora's pulse quickened; he wasn't close yet, still had a while to go, but the first moan he allowed himself escaped--but quietly. He wanted Riku to hear, but he was all too aware that he was two doors down from his parents' room. Suddenly he was incredibly glad that Roxas had stayed in a hotel.

"I have two fingers in me now," Riku muttered. "Just like you were saying."

"Fuck, Riku... when I get back..."

"Shh. What next?"

"Next I'd pull my fingers out, and I'd push my dick up against you. I wouldn't go inside. I'd wait until you were waiting, till your eyes were closed like you do, and then I'd move."

"Ha. Move where?"

"I'd put it against your lips. And you'd...?"

"Let you in, obviously," Riku said. "I'd suck you hard, loving the way you taste, letting you push it down my throat." That made Sora's heart leap; Riku had his limits and deep throating almost always topped the list. The second, of course, was that Sora wasn't allowed to unload on him. Maybe that was negotiable, too...

"I'd take advantage of that," Sora said. "I'd push it in all the way." In a moment of bravery, he added, "I like you on your knees sucking dick, but on your back, your legs still open... I'd be so turned on, but I don't think I could make you do it long, 'cause I'd feel so bad about stretching you then leaving you open."

"Always a gentleman," Riku deadpanned, but it lacked bite. Sora heard him gasp, and wondered if Riku found his sweet spot.

"That's when I would finally stick it in you, and you'd be hot and tight... damn... I'd forget to be slow and just shove it all the way in, in one go."

"Good."

Sora moaned again but concealed it, pumping himself faster, a little harder.

"You still using your fingers, babe?" he asked.

"Mm... yeah. Wishing it was your hard cock though."

"In four days, it will be."

For a moment they fell into silence, listening to each other's pants and sighs and little muffled moans.

"You're close," Riku said, after a moment. "You sound like you're close. Do you want me to finish this story?"

"Yeah, 'nless you want me to."

Sora could almost hear Riku smile on the other side. "Nah. You're in me, deep as you can go, and I'm warm around you, getting tight... I want to come hard, and I know you're going to get me there... you're going to thrust in and out of me, and I'll accommodate you, I'll shift my hips, and you'll start pounding into that little place deep, deep in me that makes me scream out your name...." Riku broke away, gasping. "The spot I just found, right now, right there... Sora..."

"Keep hitting it," Sora mumbled, about to lose it. "Keep hitting it, babe. I'm almost done, and I want you to finish with me, yeah? Okay?"

"Y-yeah... Sora, I'm gonna... " Sora squeezed his eyes shut, picturing Riku, and picturing their scenario, and picturing the night before he left, how they had seemed to just go on forever... 

It was the sound of Riku crying out his name that brought Sora to orgasm, finally, and he was still panting as Riku finished himself off.

"Mm... Sora... I'm coming," he said breathlessly a moment later, then: "Just for you, Sora. Sora... Sora..."

Both sides of the line went quiet as the men regained themselves; Sora heard Riku shuffling a little more, and with one hand, began to reach out to straighten up the covers a little.

"Just to finish this off...." Sora spoke up only after the line went completely silent. "I'd come deep in you and you'd be calling my name, and I'd be telling you how incredible you are, and how amazing you look under me when I do you. If I were home right now I'd be giving you the most earth-shattering, life-changing orgasm you'd ever had."

"And then you'd turn me around and do it all over," Riku said tiredly--maybe joking, maybe not.

Sora laughed, and it was breathless even to his own ears. "Oh yeah. You and me are definitely getting some alone time next weekend."

"I have the feeling I won't be walking straight for a while."

"Well, only if I do my job right."

"Ha. Don't worry, I'll let you know if you fuck it up."

Sora laughed again--a little too loud. He slammed his hand over his mouth and waited; no stirrings from inside the house.

"Oh, I know you will. Everything all right over there?"

"Mm-hm." Once again they fell into peaceful silence. "Hey, Sora... I'm losing steam. Should probably hit the sack... it's almost one AM over here."

Shit; Sora forgot that he'd technically crossed a time zone line on his flight over, that Twilight Town was just on the cusp of pacific and central. He glanced at the clock: 11:46--not too bad on his end.

"Man, I'm sorry. I didn't think of that, or else I wouldn't have kept you up."

"S'fine," Riku mumbled. "You know I'd have waited all night to hear your voice. I love you."

I love you. Riku had begun to say it a month ago, and Sora still had no clue how to respond.

"You're beautiful," Sora replied, which usually seemed to pacify him. "You're beautiful and perfect and I can't wait to see you. Get some sleep."

"You too. 'Night."

Riku hung up before Sora had the chance to say 'good night' in return. Sighing, he set his phone down on the bedside table, kicked off his pants, and crawled under the covers. He still hadn't completely unpacked--kept getting distracted--and figured he'd do it in the morning. He switched off the green lamp that had probably been in that same place in the same room since before his family had even moved in and would have fallen asleep the second his head hit the pillow, if it hadn't been for the sound of his vibrating phone clattering against the wood.

Sleepily Sora rose, grabbing his phone and checking to see what was up, frowning when he realized it was another text from Riku. 

When he opened it, he received a prompt asking if he'd like to open a photo. Still confused, he selected yes, then grinned when he realized what the picture was.

It was a little blurry, like Riku's grip hadn't been steady, and Sora knew why: his eyes were half-lidded and slightly rolled back, mouth partially open in a soft shape--the "o" in "Sora"--his drying hair frizzy and spilling on both sides of the pillow. Although the image cut off at around his mid-chest, Sora caught a glimpse of his legs, pressed up against him, and his arm, reaching down somewhere that Sora couldn't see, but gave him a pretty good idea. Riku'd snapped a picture mid-orgasm, and he was godly. 

A second text:

Riku|1:08am  
A little something to tide you over. Use it well. Good night.

Oh, Sora would use it, all right.  
*

 

Sora was curled up in bed, four nights later, Riku spooned against his chest.

"Take me with you," Riku mumbled, struggling to even keep his eyes open. He and Sora had worn each other out; the hours between Sora's arrival at home and their move into bed was one, big, messy blur. "Next time, take me with you."

"Yeah," Sora murmured in return. Lazily he began to write shapes and letters on Riku's bare body, gently, with his fingertips. He felt Riku's skin goosebump underneath his touch, then heard him say to cut it out, that it tickled, so Sora dropped his hand. Sora was barely awake and beginning to drift away, when Riku tore him from the clutches of sleep.

"I need to ask you something."

"Can it wait till the morning?"

"No."

Sora frowned, not that Riku could see, more curious than annoyed. "What's up?"

Now Riku turned around, pulling away from Sora's embrace and facing him. He looked Sora in the eye and asked: "Did you see anyone else while you were gone?"

Sora's eyebrows shot up and he actually felt himself lurch back. He wasn't sure if he could have been any less prepared for that.

"Riku, I... what--no! I spent the entire week with my family! I texted you the entire time! Even if I wanted to... to what, cheat on you? I physically couldn't have done it, I was never out of my parents' sight. And besides, I wouldn't have wanted to hook up with anyone. What would even make you ask that?" 

Riku smiled, looking self-satisfied as he curled back into the covers. "Just fucking with you. That'll show you for leaving me behind, though, huh?"

For a long time after Riku turned out the lights, Sora remained sitting up, staring at his boyfriend's sleeping figure. For the first time since they had met, Sora found himself wondering if he really knew who Riku was: was he the confident, unshakable genius with an easy smile who was quick to laugh? Or the suspicious protector who asked Sora if he'd seen someone while he was away, texted him a hundred times in a day, and said "I love you" before the first month was up?

Allowing himself to think that he was just tired and reading too much into it, Sora slid back under the covers, kissing Riku's shoulder blade once before drifting into sleep.


	3. Autumn

The leaves were finally beginning to brown (and orange and yellow and red), and Sora and Riku were able to maintain the steadiness of their relationship with little incident. Sora was more in love with Riku than ever, and had finally given in and said it one night during dinner; it just popped out of Sora's mouth during the conversation, and it was smooth and natural and right.

Sora was beginning to play around with the idea of moving in with Riku, or vice versa. Not for a while, of course, but something to think about for the future. They practically lived together as it was. Riku seemed to go home only to do laundry, take back and bring more of his things to Sora's, or to make sure he hadn't been robbed. Not that Sora was complaining; more often than not, his time spent with Riku meant laughter, comfortable silence, and more sex in a week than Sora'd had in the entire year before meeting him.

It meant a lot of questions sometimes, too, that Sora didn't really know what to do with. Riku didn't like how much time Sora spent with his lab partner and he made that fact known on a semi-regular basis, but that wasn't really anyone's choice, least of all Sora's. In the meantime, he just played it cool whenever Riku's strange little jealousies came up and for now, that was working.

They were curled up on the couch together, enjoying a movie, when Riku's phone began to ring. Sora glanced over, watching as Riku pulled the phone from his pocket and prepared to hit 'ignore'. He stopped when he saw the number on the screen, every inch of his body freezing. Then he stood, beginning to walk into the next room.

"Pause it for me," Riku said before shutting the door, so Sora did, reaching for remote. It seemed like the second the TV went quiet, he heard Riku's voice boom from the other room: "Why do you think I keep changing my number!?"

Startled, Sora dropped the remote, staring at his closed bedroom door, mouth hanging open. He'd never heard Riku talk like that to anyone--even during their rare fights, he'd just barely raise his voice when incensed--and never with such venom in his tone.

He quieted for a moment. Sora had to struggle to hear if Riku was still speaking, though he wasn't looking to eavesdrop on the conversation. Sora heard a loud, firm: "No!" and then, silence. He tried to act as though he hadn't heard anything when Riku walked back into the room, looking tired and grumpy, and he didn't pry.

"Sorry for the noise," Riku said casually, settling back on the couch. "Wanna hit play?"

Sora stared down at Riku for a moment, then did as Riku asked. Maybe he would mention something about it later. Until then, he just let himself enjoy the movie, and the company.  
*

 

For almost three days after the strange phone call, Riku seemed a little distracted. He wasn't totally there during conversations and didn't seem to respond to Sora's goading little comments which would usually earn him a snarky remark or gentle, playful shove. Even when they had intimate moments, Riku was far away; things that would normally turn him on like crazy didn't seem to phase him at all.

"What's up?" Sora asked finally. He and Riku were cuddled in bed together, early on a Saturday morning. With the curtains drawn, the room was still dark; a small sliver of blinding light shown through a small opening where the two dark strips hadn't been entirely closed, but it confined itself to a small corner of the room. Sora stared at Riku, just barely able to make out his face until his eyes adjusted.

"What, you just notice?" Riku asked darkly, lying on his back, staring up at the ceiling. Sora frowned.

"No. You've been weird for three days now. I don't like it. I just wanted to give you some space, man." Riku shook his head, closing his eyes.

"Sorry. I guess that was a shit thing to say... I'll make it up to you. But yeah. You're right. Sorry."

"So what's going on?" Sora pressed, a little more forcefully. He continued to watch Riku; the little signs in his face that things weren't quite right. Riku sat up, drawing his knees up to his chest.

"My relationship with my stepdad is pretty godawful, and he just.... refuses to acknowledge it. I keep changing my number so maybe he'll stop contacting me, but it never works."

"Is it fixable?" Sora asked gently. Riku shrugged.

"If it is, I don't want to fix it. I want him gone. Out of my life entirely."

Sora was quiet. Neither of them talked about their childhoods much. Mostly it just never really came up, but Riku in particular never seemed to want to share stories or experiences; he always said that everything Sora needed to know, Riku had told him at the bar the night they met.

"Man," Sora sighed. "Not my business, but what'd he do?" Riku chewed on his lips, deep in thought, still staring ahead. It took so long for him to speak again, Sora was wondering if he'd say anything at all.

"He's been pretty obviously trying to get in my pants since I was fifteen."

Sora sprang up, coughing. He'd been expecting that less than when Riku'd point-blank asked if Sora cheated at his family reunion, and again a month later when Riku asked if Sora had the hots for his lab partner.

"Yeah, I know," Riku responded to Sora's shocked silence. "He's never outright tried anything, and when he realized I was serious when I told him to never touch me--I was sixteen--he stopped. He's just a sad, horny old man who thinks I'm somehow interested in him. I hated the pretentious atmosphere of my school, but at least I boarded there nine months out of the year. Spared me from having to be in the same house as him."

"Did you... did you tell your mom about it?"

Riku snorted. "Oh yeah, I told my mom about it. And she said, 'I'll talk to him'. Every time, 'I'll talk to him', 'I'll talk to him'. I don't think she has the guts to. He'd say stuff in front of her but I think she assumed I was reading too much into it. I never showed her the texts he sends. I think she'd drop dead if I did."

"And that was him calling the other day," Sora said a little unnecessarily.

"Yeah. Asked if I was coming home for Christmas this year. Spoiler alert: I'm not." Shaking his head, Riku took his phone from the table, sliding his finger down the screen. "I'm thinking about getting a restraining order against him."

"It sounds like you should. Do you have any proof of what he does? That'll make your case really easy."

Riku laughed darkly, handing his phone to Sora. "See for yourself."

[Unknown number] | 6:30 am | 9 months ago  
Are you intending to go back to school?

Riku | 12:20 pm | 9 months ago  
I don't know dad. probably. not for a while. i'll start getting money together to pay off loans though

[Unknown number] | 12:23 pm | 9 months ago  
Darling, you know that I am happy to cover all of your expenses.

Riku| 12:40 pm | 9 months ago  
ok yeah thanks

Riku's discomfort showed even through the confines of text messaging. Sora frowned deeper, scrolling down to catch the rest of the conversation.

[Unknown number] | 12:23 pm | 9 months ago  
What are you going to do in the meantime? You aren't very employable at the moment, sweetheart.

[Riku] | 12:50pm | 9 months ago  
idk  
12:52pm  
im thinking about it

[Unknown number] | 12:56 pm | 9 months ago  
Take your time, my love. 

A little creepy, Sora decided, but nothing incriminating yet. He scrolled down to the next long conversation he found; this one was dated around the same time.

[Unknown number] | 2:00pm | 9 months ago  
My offer still stands, Riku.

Riku | 2:15pm | 9 months ago  
?

[Unknown number] | 2:17pm | 9 months ago  
I believe you would see great success in my industry.

Riku | 2:18pm| 9 months ago  
i'm not going to be a... pornographer or a prostituter whatever the fuck it is you do.

[Unknown number] | 2:19pm | 9 months ago  
Has your $100k education not taught you that 'prostituter' is neither a word, nor an occupation?

Riku | 2:19pm | 9 months ago  
Not like i went to school for that. Or is that supposed to be a joke?

[Unknown number] | 2:20pm | 9 months ago  
Always so serious, my sweet. Perhaps you need a man in your life to ease your tensions?

Riku | 2:21pm| 9 months ago  
What's that supposed to mean? 

[Unknown number] | 2:21pm | 9 months ago  
Darling, I could provide you with opportunities that you cannot get anywhere else. I know of many men who would love you get to know you.

Riku | 2:24 pm | 9 months ago  
ew stop  
2:24pm  
you're just trying to whore me out. i won't fuck you so now you want to watch instead.

[Unknown number] | 2:25 pm | 9 months ago  
I am saying that you are fit, intelligent, young... there is an incredibly large market available for young men like you. 

Riku | 2:30pm | 9 months ago  
stop. stop. stop. stop. stop. stop. stop. stop. stop.

2:30pm| 9 months ago  
STOP. STOP.

[Unknown number] | 2:35pm| 9 months ago  
Consider my offer, Riku. You may find you have better luck with men in my world than in your own.

Sora scrolled down.

[Unknown number] | 4:12pm | 6 months ago  
Your mother told me that you two went to lunch together today. Was there a reason why I was not aware of this? I could easily have cancelled my prior commitments.

Riku | 4:12 pm | 6 months ago  
because you creep me the fuck out. leave me ALONE.

Sora scrolled down; messages all "darling" and "beautiful" on one end and "stop", "leave me alone", "go away" on the other--at one point, a time in which Sora realized he and Riku had gotten together, Riku had said he was in a committed relationship, and his stepdad had outright told him it wouldn't last, that it never did--and that's when he couldn't take it anymore. 

"That's fucked up," Sora said, passing the phone back over to Riku. "I'm so sorry you have to deal with that. That is majorly fucked up. I agree... get him out." Riku let out a breath, looking, to Sora, a little relieved. Smiling, Sora reached over and gave his hand a squeeze. "I love you, yeah?"

"I love you," Riku replied, setting his phone aside and rolling on top of Sora. Automatically Sora wrapped his arms around him, breathing in the scent of Riku's hair, listening to him breathe, his warm breath tickling Sora's ear. "I didn't need to start my morning this way... make me forget him?" Sora knew Riku; that wasn't a question, really. That was a demand.

As he rolled over, pushing Riku beneath him, he couldn't help but think that it was one demand he was always happy to oblige.  
*

 

Riku seemed to go back to normal pretty quickly. Maybe it was the amount of sun the city'd been getting, maybe it'd been the burden of keeping his stepfather a secret finally being lifted from his shoulders. Sora had the sneaking suspicion that Riku'd expected a break-up or something, like Sora'd decide that he was tainted, or damaged goods, and that he didn't want to deal with it. But Sora was faithful, and understanding, and hell--he knew the way his family acted wasn't his fault. 

But it didn't explain some other little things that were beginning to nag in the back of Sora's head.

For one thing, Sora didn't actually know what Riku did. 

He knew that Riku's plan to go back to school was abstract, at best, and as far as he knew, Riku didn't have a job. He had lots of hobbies and memberships and he could definitely occupy himself, but he didn't have work or school. Ever. And yet, he seemed to always have money. He bought groceries, he still paid for his all-but-empty apartment, and he'd cover little things like movie tickets or fast food lunches all the time. It was more of the principle of the thing; Riku'd been open from the start that he was still figuring things out for himself, and he more than carried his weight. He cooked and kept Sora's apartment cleaner than Sora'd ever been able to keep anything in his life. Sora wasn't bothered by it. He just thought it was really bizarre; nothing seemed to add up.

The second was the sex.

Not that it was ever less than incredible, but it was also constant. It was a little too constant. Too strategic, too regular. It came after fights when Sora was the first to get mad, or it came after Sora got home after a night of staying late at work. It came when Riku was feeling down on himself, or when a guy paid Sora a compliment on the street, no matter how innocent. It came when Sora was distracted with other things, and Riku was feeling left out. It came with "tell me you love me" and "tell me I'm perfect". It was like Riku wanted to use his sexuality as a distraction, as a way of getting what he wanted--and most of the time, it worked. 

But then, that tied into Sora's third problem. 

Riku was unbelievably jealous. 

The situation at the family reunion had been strange and a little disconcerting, something that Sora couldn't quite reason out in his head. But the more time they spent together--or apart, for that matter-- the more it became clear that Riku was probably the most insecure, jealous person that Sora had ever met. He didn't like when Sora looked at other guys and didn't like when other guys looked at Sora. He didn't like all the messages Sora would text Roxas, and he didn't like all the time Sora spent with his friends. 

Sora wasn't worried about his safety or anything; Riku tended to voice his complaints more than anything, either straight out or in a passive aggressive sort of manner, followed by bedroom eyes and dirty talk. It was confusing, for sure, but Sora figured he could handle it. 

It just... unsettled him.  
*

 

"We should go out," Riku said one weekend. He was laying on his stomach on the bed, flipping absently through a magazine as Sora thumbed through some work papers at his desk.

"Yeah," Sora said absently. "Yeah, we should." He didn't look up as he heard Riku begin to shuffle on the bed, closing the magazine and standing, but smiled when he felt the man press a kiss to his wild brown hair. "...Tonight?" he added suddenly. "It's Friday. I wouldn't mind getting out, now that you mention it."

Riku grinned.

"Sounds like a date, Sora," he said, padding out of the room. "Anyway, I'll see you later. I should probably go back to my place and make sure I haven't been burgled."

Now Sora looked up, turning in his chair to take a look at his boyfriend. 

"You're leaving?" he asked.

"Do you not want me to?" Riku asked, still grinning smugly, as he lingered in the doorway. Sora smiled sheepishly, laughing a little.

"I guess sometimes I forget you don't live here." Riku laughed too, light and short.

"Well, maybe someday," he said, turning on his heel and leaving. Sora watched until he disappeared from view as he exited the short hallway, then listened to the sound of the front door click shut, locked. 

Sora's breath hitched for a moment as he soaked in the silence, basked in the solitude. He wasn't kidding what he said. Sometimes he really did forget that Riku didn't live with him; he hardly got a moment completely to himself and, the strangest thing was, it really didn't bother him. Sora could worry all he wanted about all of Riku's quirks and eccentricities, but in reality, he felt most at ease, most at home, when Riku was there with him. The heat from Riku's body, curled against him, kept him warm at night. The sound of Riku padding around the house, opening cupboards, turning on the shower, was so domestic Sora never felt alone. They confided in each other, accepted each other, laughed with--and at--each other. Fought and yelled and shoved, and kissed and made up and loved and loved and loved. 

An empty home reminded Sora just how full Riku's presence made it.

By seven, Riku was back and the two geared up and hit a bar close to Sora's apartment. It was a short, fifteen minute walk, as they passed by storefronts lit in neon and other laughing couples, huddled close to one another to fight the cool, crisp air. 

The two men walked in silence, side-by-side, hands in tucked in their pockets. Every so often Sora would let out a particularly large puff of air just to watch it blow white, like smoke, from his lips.

"It doesn't feel that cold," Sora stated, pushing his lips together and blowing a puff in Riku's face. Riku laughed, bumping Sora away.

"Savor this now, because you know winter's gonna be hellish this year if it's this cold already." Sora was about to respond with a neutral hum when Riku spoke up again. "Hey, is this the place?" 

He was referring to an old-looking building with black tinted-windows. Almost the entirety of the place was covered in graffiti so bright it seemed to glow; it was a bit of a staple of the place, or else it'd probably have been washed off years ago. It was over fifty years of art, names, and messages, and Sora could stare at it for days, wondering about everyone who had left a little piece of themselves there.

"Yeah," Sora said after a moment, and they ducked in.

The bar, too, was dark, with a handful of small tables dotted around the front, meant to accommodate the taco truck that was often stationed in a small driveway nestled between the bar and the small boutique next door. Once Sora and Riku had gotten situated in a seat next to a window, Sora rose from his seat.

"I'll go grab us some food," he said, voice raised to compete with the noise made by the other patrons.

"Don't worry about it!" Riku responded, matching Sora's volume. "I've got you covered!" He stood when Sora gave no indicator of backing down, but didn't take his first step until Sora had hesitantly taken his seat again.

"You sure?"

"Yeah!"

Riku shot Sora a smile as he exited, wallet in hand, coat still on his chair.

Sora hunkered down, sliding down in his chair a little and taking his phone from his pocket to kill time until Riku's return. He was halfway through a text to Roxas when he caught a figure sit at their table from the corner of his eye.

"That was fast," he commented, looking up--"oh!"--at the complete stranger that'd just joined him.

"Mind if I sit?" said stranger asked. He was young and attractive, gave a good vibe. Just Sora's type, if Sora'd been looking for someone to go home with. Of course men wouldn't give a shit about him until he was in a committed relationship. "What do you like? I'll buy you a drink."

"I'm actually here with someone," Sora responded, smiling and giving an apologetic little shrug. "Bad luck."

"...shit," the guy said. "Sorry, man. I'm an idiot." Sora laughed.

"It's cool, it happens. I'm Sora." He stuck his hand out, smiling wider when the guy took it. They shook once then let go. The beat of silence that followed was awkward, only ending when Riku walked back in, a plastic bag with steaming contents in hand.

"Hey, Sora," he said, with a smile that didn't entirely reach his eyes. He leaned down and gave Sora a kiss that was a little hotter than it probably would've been if not for the third wheel, who rose and left without further adieu. "You're popular," he added, nuzzling into Sora's neck. "...Follow me."

Frowning, Sora watched as Riku dropped the bag of food onto the table before beckoning him to follow.

"Food's gonna get cold," he said, following Riku to the back of the building and into the surprisingly-well-kept restroom. Riku ignored the comment, striding into a large stall tucked in the back. In one quick movement, Riku turned around and grabbed Sora's sleeve, tugging him into the confined space and locking the door behind them.

"I don't care about the food," Riku said belatedly, dropping onto his knees, eyes fixed on his target as he began to work off Sora's belt. Sora closed his eyes, gasping in surprise as Riku tugged down his jeans, pulled him out of his boxers, and wrapped his lips around Sora's erection. Not that Sora didn't know where this was going, but he thought it was a tease, that Riku'd press his face in close and give a smug "you'll get this later if you're good" kind of comment. But he wasn't showing any sign of backing down.

Sora stifled a moan, clamping one hand firmly over his mouth as the other tugged at Riku's hair. Riku's mouth was warm, his tongue slick, and he knew just what to do to make Sora lose it. Riku was just as careful, precise, and deliberate in this as he was in everything else he did.

Sora was halfway in Riku's mouth when he heard the door open, and his breath caught; Riku froze for a moment, but only a moment, as the sound of a sink being turned on echoed through the room. When it shut off, only to be replaced by a loud hiss, Riku tilted his head forward and up slightly, taking Sora in further. The moan that resulted from that action wasn't concealed in time--and Sora found himself, for the first time ever, thankful for the obnoxious noise of the hand-dryer. 

Once it became clear they were alone again, Riku began to suck, hard but not too much so; it wasn't fair, really, Riku knew all Sora's weaknesses, knew how to finish him fast... 

Sora squeezed his eyes tighter, pulling at Riku's hair as the man pulled away, only to begin lapping at him, up and down... he stifled another moan, and it was only when Riku shifted, reaching up to grab between his legs, that he lost it.

When he opened his eyes again, Riku was back on his feet, looking satisfied with himself as he licked his lips, turning and leaving the stall without another word. Sighing heavily and feeling a little floaty post-orgasm, Sora regained himself, making himself presentable before following.

The bar had filled up considerably since they'd gone in; it was lucky that Riku'd been able to get their original seat back and no one had figured the food they'd left was just trash and tossed it. 

And yeah, the food had gotten stone cold, but Sora didn't really find himself caring all that much.  
*

 

The walk home was filled with warm laughter and casual conversation; it wasn't until they'd reached Sora's apartment that they quieted down, separating to do their own thing. At midnight they headed off to bed, both figuring that anything left to do could wait until morning.

"I don't know why we don't go out more," Sora said, pulling his shirt over his head and tossing it into the laundry bin. At some point in the night he'd gotten some sort of sauce stain right down the front; he wasn't quite sure when or how that happened, but all he could really do was hope that it came out in the wash.

Riku kicked off his jeans before responding. "Busy, I guess." This was the first time throughout the evening that they'd referenced going out at all; their conversations between the walk home and going to bed had been about entirely different topics, different times. Sora figured it was only a matter of time until-- "You're pretty popular, huh? I can't take you anywhere." Yep, there it was. Sora knew it was either going to be that or something about the blowjob.

"What do you mean?" he asked anyway. Maybe if he just played dumb....

Riku looked distant for a moment, his shirt balled up in his hands before he, too, threw it into the bin. Of course he'd gotten it to fall perfectly inside; Sora's shirt was hanging off the side, threatening to fall onto the floor.

"What did that guy want from you?"

"Oh, nothing," Sora responded casually as he walked to the dresser, pulling out a pair of warm pajama pants. He took a seat on the bed as he threw them on, then pulled his legs up and flopped over onto his stomach, head cradled in his arms. "He didn't see you with me before you went to get food, so he started to chat me up. He backed off when I said I was with someone. Then we just sort of... I dunno. Said a few words. Then you walked in, and he went off to wherever." He shrugged. "No big deal."

"How long did you wait before telling him you were with someone?" Sora frowned, ignoring the added weight onto the bed as Riku took a seat beside him.

"It was the first thing I said, Riku. He asked if he could sit down and if I wanted a drink, and I said I was with someone already."

"What were you guys talking about?" 

Sora buried his head, groaning loudly before finally turning to face Riku. 

"Nothing. We just shook hands, okay? And that was the end of it, he was probably about to leave at that point, anyway." Riku looked unconvinced; that was nothing new. "Hey," Sora added, quietly, reaching out and grabbing Riku's knee. He stroked it with his thumb gently as he spoke. "I don't know what you think I'm up to, but.... it's all in your head, okay?" Riku was quiet, completely unresponsive, as if he hadn't even heard.

Grinning, Sora rolled onto his back, spreading his arms in invitation. "C'mere." Riku glanced over, looking interested for a moment, before deciding to remain as he was. "C'mere," Sora repeated. "Riku... Riku, come here... come on..." He began to wiggle the fingers on his hand nearest Riku, beckoning him closer. "Come on, beautiful." Riku's lips quirked into a smile; in seven months of being together, maybe Sora had learned how to manipulate Riku a bit, too. "Look at me. Is this the face of someone who'd hurt you?"

Finally Riku looked over. "It's the face of an idiot," he said finally, breaking into a full smile and laughing at Sora's protest over the unflattering description as he settled into the man's arms. Sora held him, breathing in the scent of his hair and stroking his back. It reminded him of when he'd gone away for the week, back home, and how much he missed Riku's presence when he wasn't there next to him. For close to an hour, Sora held him, because sometimes he didn't know what else he could do.  
*

 

Nearing one in the morning, Riku pulled away, walking off without saying a word, and Sora hadn't realized how close he'd been to sleep before the sudden absence jerked him back into consciousness. Riku didn't return for a few minutes, but when he did, he came with a small bag full of something Sora couldn't see. He blinked, but didn't seem to have the energy to open his eyes again... he was drifting, beginning to dream, when...

"Oof!" Riku'd decided to sit on him, again bringing him unpleasantly back up to the world of the conscious. He laughed, throwing his head back and lifting his weight off of Sora, and for some reason that sight made him realize that he wanted Riku. Badly. Now. 

Riku seemed to notice, too. His smile grew sly, and he looked down on Sora with a look in his eye that was downright devious.

"You're insatiable, aren't you?" he said, which honestly, Sora found a little ironic.

"Mm," he said anyway, leaning up to grab the bottom of Riku's T-shirt; Riku shifted to help Sora get it up over his head, then to work off Sora's boxers. "You next," he said unnecessarily, loving the sight of Riku half-naked, and loving the sight of him fully naked even more as he undressed slowly, meticulously. 

Riku rose once more--this time for the lubricant in the bathroom a door down--and when he entered the room again, he was humming softly to himself.

Sora reached out as Riku approached the bed, but just missed him; Riku'd given himself a wide berth as he crossed back into the room, and Sora couldn't decide if it was on purpose or not.

"Do you want me?" Riku asked suddenly, lowly, as he sat on the bed.

"Every second of every day." Sora slid the lubricant from Riku's hands, spreading it onto his fingers and using his clean hand to remove the rest of his clothes. Riku was sitting on his knees on the bed, ankles crossed behind him. His legs were open, meaning that Sora just had to lean up a little to reach, to snake his arm between them and press a finger inside. Riku purred, shutting his eyes. Sora caught his fingers give a twitch, as if he meant to grab something. So Sora murmured, "touch yourself." And Riku did, taking his erection in one hand and pumping leisurely, showing off for Sora as the man pressed another finger inside him. Riku tilted his hips forward, granting Sora easier access, though not by much. Not that it mattered; Sora wasn't one for foreplay--only really fingered Riku when Riku said he wanted it, or when Sora felt like teasing--so he pulled away, flattening himself on the bed and grabbing the lube from where he'd set it down on the bed. 

Before he could reach it, however, Riku'd taken it. A slick hand took Sora's cock, and he watched as Riku worked him the same way he'd done himself seconds ago. Riku lay on his side, head resting against Sora's hip, and a trace of his breath rushed past Sora's erection as he spoke.

"Love this," Riku said quietly.

"Love you," Sora responded, reaching down to stroke Riku's soft, silver hair, until Riku hoisted himself back up, positioning himself over Sora's lap and sinking down on him.

"Tell me," he murmured.

"You're perfect," Sora said, not even thinking, too focused on the sensation of Riku, hot and tight around him.

"And you're lucky," Riku responded, something which would probably have been disconcerting to Sora had the situation been... different. Riku smiled as he began to move, pulling up, pushing down, setting a pace that ensured that Sora wouldn't be able to last long. "So fucking lucky. Don't ever forget that."

"Mmm." Sora bucked once, but Riku seemed intent on being in control; so he sat back, and let him have it, just watching Riku move, his flawless, toned body and long hair...

The sex was over quickly. It wasn't mechanical, but it wasn't extraordinary, and at the end of the day, it was still sex--with Riku--so Sora was satisfied. He felt like Riku made him come harder than any other guys had, like the orgasm was more intense. Was better.

"It's like you think I don't know," Sora said, pulling out of Riku and hoisting himself off him. "Like you think that I don't realize how amazing we are together. But... it's a lot more than that. You don't trust me."

Riku shook his head as if ridding himself of a pesky fly.

"I don't trust other guys," Riku replied. "I know you're...." but he trailed off, unable to complete the thought. "It's me," he amended himself. "I don't trust you. But it isn't because you've ever done anything wrong. It's just... me."

"I don't understand you sometimes," Sora confessed. "You're so... you're everything, and you could have anyone, but you pick me, and you just... guard me, like I'm gonna be taken away."

Riku curled up in the covers, settling onto his side.

"You have to understand where I'm coming from, Sora," he said, sounding, for the first time in the year that Sora had known him, uncomfortable. "I was fifteen when I got into my first real relationship. With someone older. A lot older. And I was... I was really taken in by him, you know? I was in really deep by the time I realized how toxic it was. He didn't abuse me or anything, but he really took advantage of my immaturity, my willingness to just jump into everything right away. Among a lot of other things, he cheated on me." He laughed bitterly. "What a way to end your first relationship, right? Then, four months after we split, I was looking for a quick, easy rebound relationship... someone I could just fuck around with and have a good time, but I wanted commitment, too. Needed it. So I found someone more my age, someone well-adjusted." Riku shrugged. "And, for a while, it was working for us. He got drunk at a party one night, when I'd been sick and couldn't go. Went home with someone else and the next thing I knew, they were dating. Next I gave it a year. I gave it a year and told myself the next one would be better, and got cheated on. And told myself the next one would be better, and got cheated on. Five times. I've had two partners who haven't cheated on me. You're one of them." The smile that Riku gave Sora was almost sarcastic, mean-spirited. "Congratulations." A long silence fell between them.

Sora frowned, unable to find the words to somehow make it all better.

"...Riku..." he said, finally.

"So everything my shitty stepdad's ever said, about my terrible luck with guys, is true. By the way."

For a moment, there was silence. Sora watched as Riku rolled a joint on the table next to them, but seemed to give up halfway through, turn around, and flop back into bed.

"It's fucked up," Sora said, finally. "What they did to you. I'm not... I mean, I know I can do everything in my power to show you that I'm not like that. But that won't change anything."

"No," Riku said softly. "I don't think it will."


	4. Winter

Sora had hoped that once everything was out and in the open, that maybe things would calm down a little. But, if anything, they just seemed to intensify. There was a lot less laughter, suddenly, and a lot more justifying, more explaining, more reassuring. It was getting hard to deal with, but... Sora just figured that Riku needed time to deal with things. Ultimatums and pushing would only get them so far. Sora just needed to stay patient, to be forgiving.

That didn’t mean he wouldn’t be making changes. He'd cut down on the sex, first of all. For some reason, when Riku would come onto him after a small, petty tiff between them, Sora began to feel like he was taking advantage, so that had ended. He wasn't unhappy, per se, and Riku didn't seem to be, either. Sometimes Sora wondered if Riku even realized anything was truly wrong, how deep the cracks in their foundation were beginning to run, or if Riku was just basking in the longest relationship he'd ever had. Maybe that was where the root of their problems lay. Sora knew Riku--but he didn't _know_ Riku. Didn't understand him, couldn't get inside his head. Sora just had to be patient, and love him, and... just see where it all led.  
*

 

On a relatively sunny weekend, Sora decided he was sick of staying cooped up in the house. So he called up Roxas to make plans, which led to them contacting some college friends they'd lately fallen out of touch with. It’d been a long time--too long, almost a year--and it was time for a get-together.

At eleven on Sunday morning, Sora dragged Riku out of the house to do a quick snack run and grab a couple of quick, easy fixes for dinner that would feed a lot of people quickly. Riku wasn't pleased, but he also didn't vocalize it, which Sora was willing to take as a small victory. As an unspoken thank you, Sora took Riku out to lunch when all was said and done. Honestly, it was also nice to have gotten Riku into a place where he couldn't run off, retreat, or lash out when Sora brought up his jealousy issues, somewhere around the mid-point of their meal. It was strategic, admittedly: Sora wanted to get this talk out of the way. Again.

"I just love you so much," Riku said, stabbing into his side salad with his fork. "You know how shitty things have been for me in the past. I know what happens when I just let go... things fall apart. So now that I have something good, I just have to hold it close."

"Maybe not _that_ close," Sora responded, his voice harsh. Riku looked up in surprise, retreating a little. He didn't speak up much for the rest of the meal, and all Sora could think was that he should have been sorry--but he wasn't.

By three, the house had been straightened up and the first of Sora's friends had arrived. At one point he would've been excited to have everyone meet Riku, the two men weren't in very good spirits toward each other, and it showed. Kairi was the first to arrive, then Roxas. Luckily they knew each other already, so there were no awkward silences as they struggled to come up with a topic of conversation; they'd begun chatting the second they got inside and rarely let up for more than a few seconds. It wasn't until Riku emerged from the bedroom that they all quieted, Kairi greeting him with a smile and a "hello", Sora doing the same, and Roxas looking edgy before muttering out a greeting of his own.

"Hey," Riku said a little flatly, not breaking eye contact with Sora.

"Hey," Sora responded, pulling his mouth into a smile as he realized that he'd been frowning pretty severely. "About time! Come on and join us! This is Kairi, my best friend since freshman year--" Kairi gave a little wave. "And Roxas, my brother, who I've known since... err, longer." Sora grinned at his joke, but Roxas's face didn't move. "Guys, this is Riku."

"Glad to finally meet you!" Kairi said brightly, brushing her long red hair over her shoulder. "Sora's told me so much about you!"

"Has he," Riku replied, quietly, finally looking away. He smiled briefly, taking a seat at the dining room table, nestled between Kairi and Roxas and looking glum. Sora had no time to pay attention. The second he had opened his mouth to speak again, someone knocked on the door. He rushed up to greet his visitors. Selphie, Tidus and Wakka had all come together, and Roxas's friends--Hayner, Olette, and Pence-- and newest boyfriend, Axel, each followed within the half hour. By the time the sun hung low in the sky, the party was in full swing. Sora was beginning to throw appetizers in the oven, pitching into conversations that he caught in small pieces as his friends casually gravitated into small pairs or groups.

"You okay, gorgeous?" he asked as he passed by the couch, where Riku was sitting, alone, looking as unhappy as when he'd emerged from the bedroom three hours ago. "Be better if you sat with me." Sora stopped, resting his hand next to Riku on the couch's armrest and almost, almost did it. Instead he turned on his heel, returning to where he'd just come from, on the other side of the room with Olette, Axel, and Roxas. "Just let me have this," he murmured, leaving Riku quiet in his wake. Sora tried not to let Riku's eternal black raincloud distract him too much; he spared no more attention than the occasional glance back, sometimes relieved to find him talking to someone, but mostly stewing by himself.

"Are you sure he's okay?" Kairi asked at some point, voice low, as she and Sora went off together to eat chips and dip in an isolated corner of the kitchen. Sora didn't think that there was a big enough "no" in the world.  
*

 

"We need to talk about today," Riku said in the evening, after their last guests had long gone home. Sora tugged on the bedspread, tearing it free from where Riku'd tucked it in around the mattress in the morning, watching their pillows topple onto the floor.

"Yeah. We do." And, angry for the first time at Riku, not his circumstances, not his family, but at _Riku_ , he said, "The way you acted was really shitty. Okay? It was really, really shitty." Infuriatingly, Sora felt himself blushing, and he had to come up with the courage to look Riku in the face. "It was thoughtless, and mean, and... I didn't appreciate it!" Riku sat on the bed, tugging off his shoes and throwing them across the room.

"Whatever you say, Sora," he said with an edge to his voice that meant the fight wasn't going to be resolved any time soon.

"No. Riku, talk to me." Riku laughed, shaking his head.

"I just did. I'm a terrible person, okay? Sorry I ruined your party or whatever." Sora leaned down, grabbing a pillow from the floor and gently tossing it, letting it smack Riku in the shoulder. Mission accomplished: Riku turned his head, his undivided attention aimed directly at Sora. "What?" he asked.

"You need to cut it out. I understand you, okay? I understand where you're coming from, but you have to fucking knock it off! I'm allowed to have friends! I'm allowed to have friends over for one fucking night, okay? I'm allowed to go out and talk to people! People who aren't you!" Riku's expression was akin to someone who'd just sucked on a lemon. Aggravation radiated form his body like a visible aura, but he said nothing. "I love you! I love you and that should be enough! I need..." Sora sat on the bed, gasping for air as if he'd run an entire 5k. "I need my own space!"

"And where does that leave me?" Riku asked coldly. "You need space? Is there room for me there? Or am I not a part of that?"

"Sometimes you aren't!" Sora responded earnestly, which made Riku physically draw back from him in surprise. "Riku, I like coming home to you, and waking up with you, and going out, and talking, and spending time with you. But... but... fuck, you're looking at me like you don't get what I'm saying."

"No," Riku said, standing. "I get you. I get you loud and clear." He gave Sora one of those phony, sarcastic smiles he'd given Kairi and Roxas, and quipped: "Genius, remember?" He turned, pulling on a sweatshirt that he'd left hanging on Sora's desk from that morning, and walked out of the room.

"Where are you going?" Sora asked, exasperated. "Home. You said you needed space, didn't you?" Groaning, Sora rolled over onto his stomach and pressed his face into his pillow. He almost screamed, but didn't.  
*

Sora woke up at almost ten in the morning, not even realizing he'd fallen asleep. Automatically, he reached for his phone. Twelve texts from Riku, which honestly wasn't that bad for him.

Riku| 12:35 AM  
Just got home. I've calmed down a lot, been thinking about what you said. Guess I pretty miserable to be around yesterday.  
  
Riku| 2:00 AM  
Can't fall asleep. Hate going to bed mad at each other. I'm not mad at you. Hope you aren't too mad at me.

Riku| 2:05 AM  
I miss when we would hang around and watch shitty movies together. We should do that again sometime.

At around the fifth text, Riku's attempts to reach out had dissolved into "I love you"s and "I want you"s, but Sora was too irritated to respond. He needed some coffee before he could handle this.

Surprisingly, Riku laid low for the day. He didn't text again until almost five in the evening, and that was just to leave a little "hope your day was good." When Sora first read it, he scanned the text for any hint of sarcasm, of passive aggression, before deciding it was probably genuine. For some reason, that was his a-ha moment, that was when he realized that this relationship might not work.  
*

 

"I get what you were saying before," Riku said the next time he came round, later in the week. He grinned. "Kind of nice spending some time in a goober-free zone."

"Hey!" Sora laughed, chucking a pillow from the sofa squarely at Riku's head; Riku ducked and it missed, nearly knocking a vase off of the table closest to them.

"Watch it!" he called, still laughing as Sora brought in a bowl of popcorn.

"Stop criticizing my aiming skills and hit 'play' already!" Sora jumped onto the couch as the opening titles began, in all its low budget glory, spilling about a quarter of the popcorn--onto Riku. "Hey! I like not being covered in popcorn, thanks."

Riku gingerly pulled a piece of popcorn off his lap with two fingers and held it in front of Sora, who opened his mouth. Riku pushed it in, letting his fingers linger for a moment in Sora's mouth before pulling away. Suddenly Sora wasn't too concerned about the movie anymore, suddenly everything in the world seemed to vanish except Riku feeding him, Riku kissing him, Riku laying back and letting Sora take him.  
*

 

For a month, things seemed to calm down. Then suddenly it was, “who's calling you?” and, “who are you texting?” and all Sora could do was think about Roxas's warning, about relationships sucking you dry. He knew what he had to do.  
*  
  
For all the pet names, Sora had never truly appreciated just how beautiful Riku was; his soft, pale skin, his toned body, the always-perfect hair. His bright eyes, sometimes blue, sometimes green, and the soft curve of his mouth. He wished he could focus on something else--anything else--as he said, "hey, we've got to talk."

"About what?" Riku asked, leaning on the kitchen counter. "About... us." Riku looked intrigued for a moment before frowning.

"Something bad," he murmured. "What's wrong?" Sora sighed, running his fingers through his hair, his side pressed against the opposite side of the counter. He knew it was going to be hard. He didn't think it was going to be _this_ hard.

"I've tried to... to deal with all the jealousy issues. I understood--I do understand, I mean, I understand you--but I just... I can't. Anymore." Riku's face was unmoving. "I think you need to take some time to figure yourself out, man. Because we can't be together like this. With you not trusting me... I'm terrified because I'm starting to resent you. And you're my best friend, my absolute best friend, and the most incredible boyfriend I've ever had. But... enough is enough. I'm really done." He let out a long breath, his eyes clouding over with tears, trying desperately to blink them back. "I'm sorry. I wanted to make this work."

And Riku didn't cry. He didn't yell, didn't bargain or threaten or make promises to change. He just nodded numbly, staring ahead. One minute passed. Then two, four, five.

"Can I ask you one thing," Riku said finally, with eerie calm.

"What's that?"

His voice shook for the first time. "Just... for peace of mind. So I know... when did you stop loving me?" The tears came again, too intensely for Sora to pretend they didn't exist.

"I never stopped loving you. That's what's making this so hard." Riku nodded once.

"Right. Well... thanks." Suddenly formal, as if he'd just ended a job interview or a conversation with someone he didn't know, he turned and walked away.


	5. Spring Again

Winter had felt like it'd never end. The snow came late that year and, as a result, it seemed like it took forever to finally melt away. Then it seemed to just be nothing but little showers, on and on and on. Sora found himself spending more time with his friends than he had in ages, taking weekend trips with Roxas. Anything to avoid being home alone surrounded by dark skies. Riku'd liked rainy days. Or, really, any day they had the excuse to not go out, to order food in and stay in bed, whispering secrets between sessions of lovemaking. It was hard to believe that it'd been a year since they met. It was even harder to believe that it'd been four months since they'd broken up. 

It had hit him hard that first week, when Sora came home from work and his home looked empty; at first he'd panicked, thinking he'd been robbed, before realizing that the only things missing were Riku's, whose copy of Sora's key had been placed on the bed, never to be used by him again. That was the first time he'd let himself cry as if mourning a loss, the first time he wished more than anything he could take it all back. Once, he allowed himself to call Riku, just to hear his voice, but the number hadn't worked, and Sora decided it was for the best.

He tried going to a bar, his bar, but ended up coming home alone. He'd been disappointed on his drive back to his place until he figured it was probably for the best, anyway. Rebound relationships were always more trouble than they were worth, and he wasn’t done healing yet.

But Spring came, and the rain ended, and so did his regrets and second thoughts, and he was working back toward becoming the person he was before Riku again. And honestly, it was hard to not be optimistic when everywhere around him seemed to be bright. The skies were the type of blue that came only after rainfall, around him the flowers were all beginning to bloom again, and he was woken every morning by the calls of the baby birds that hadn't even existed a month earlier.

He was going to be okay.  
*

 

The following spring brought change. Not for Sora, but change nonetheless; Roxas had gotten engaged to Axel and Sora was his brother's best man, so he'd gotten all swept up in wedding plans and preparations. Meanwhile, it seemed like all his friends were moving on with life; his lab partner had been assigned to a different position, which meant a new face to get used to. Kairi and Olette had both married and both gotten knocked up, which was a bit of a doozy.

He hosted another catch up day after a month of trying to get everyone together despite their conflicting schedules. They'd done breakfast this time and again it was like none of them had ever left.

Ten minutes after the last guest left, sometime into the afternoon, Sora heard a knock on the door. He stood to answer the door almost as soon as he’d sat down. Someone had forgotten something, probably.

"What's up?" Sora asked as he yanked the door open, gasping audibly as he found himself face-to-face with Riku.

For a moment, all he could do was stare at him, every bit as good-looking as Sora had remembered, even dressed casually in jeans, a t-shirt, and sneakers. He stammered, not even beginning to know what to say.

"...Hey," Riku said after a moment, voice light. "How are you?”

“Err... I’m good.”

“I just... wanted to talk to you for a second. If it's okay with you, I mean."

Sora took ages to make sense of that sentence; he was still trying to register that Riku was there, in front of him...

"Err... yeah," Sora said. He couldn't believe all the emotions that seeing Riku stirred inside him--pain and happiness and anger. Lust and something like a shadow of love. "Um, yeah. Okay."

Riku smiled, a little, glancing down at the ground and running his hands through his hair before making eye contact with Sora again. He took a deep breath.

"I just wanted to let you know that things are... are different for me now. Or... I'm working toward it, at least. After you broke up with me, I was in a really dark place, and I didn't know if I'd be able to pull myself out of it. But I decided that it was a sign that I needed to fix myself. I realized that you were just looking out for yourself, doing what had to be done... So I’d have to step it up and do the same, for myself." He paused, watching Sora carefully, before continuing. "I got myself in to see a therapist, and he... we... decided it would be a good step forward, for everyone, if I started to make amends with people I've hurt in the past."

Sora rubbed his forehead, debating, then...

"Do you want to come in?"

Riku seemed surprised by the question; Sora wasn't really sure why he asked, himself.

"...If you like," Riku responded carefully. 

"Yeah, yeah. Come on in." Sora turned and led Riku inside, watching as Riku shut the door behind him. They seated themselves on the couch, facing each other, not touching. For a while, neither of them even spoke.

"It's... strange being back here," Riku said, smiling faintly. "Looks like you haven't changed anything... I was half-afraid you'd moved."

"Nah, still here." Sora stared at his hands, resting in his lap, then added, "I tried to call you. Once. To make sure you were okay. But..."

"I changed my number," Riku finished.

"Yeah."

"...Yeah. I changed my number because of my stepdad again. It didn't have anything to do with you. Or... I don't know. Maybe it did. Maybe I just had to give up the hope that you'd try to get in touch with me by completely getting rid of the possibility. I deleted your number from my phone, too, so I wouldn't...." He cringed. "...But. Yeah. I went ahead and got that restraining order. Now he's not allowed to contact or come near me. I get a monthly check from him like before, but that's it. It actually helps pay for my education now.... um, I went back to school, just got a job a few months ago... I think it's been really good for me. What started out as a break turned into a slump, I think, and having nothing to do all of the sudden sort of forced me out of it."

"I'm so glad to hear it," Sora breathed. "Especially that that guy is out of your life."

Riku was beaming. "I know... he can't bother me anymore. I'm so relieved."

"I'm happy for you."

The silence that settled between them was uncomfortable, awkward. They felt like strangers, and Sora was almost, almost tempted to close the gap with a kiss. But what a fucking disaster that could make things.

"....yeah," Riku continued, snapping Sora out of his thoughts. "I've been working through my issues, and I guess I just wanted to let you know that. I'm learning not to let things from my past control me, and... you should just know, I'm really, really sorry about how I treated you. I loved you, and I guess I just didn't realize that that's not how you treat people you love. But it’s more than that, too." What came next came out like a recitation, as if he'd been thinking about it, practicing it for a long time:   
"I'm sorry about all the times I overstepped my boundaries or made you uncomfortable, and I'm sorry if my behavior damaged any of your outside relationships. I'm sorry I took up all your time, and I'm sorry that I got angry when you talked to other people. That was unfair of me. I should have realized that I couldn’t be your entire life, instead of being jealous. I wish I’d have been happy for you instead, and all of that is on me. I’m sorry for any pain I caused you. I know that being with me wasn’t easy, and I need you to know that I hold myself responsible for everything. I’m not mad at you, I think you made the right call, and I... Really hope I’m learning how not to be bitter.  
Oh, and I'm sorry I tried to guilt you so often. I was really manipulative. I recognize that now. I'm sorry about the way I used sex in our relationship... but I'm not sorry about all the sex we had, or the photos I sent you. It made me feel close to you. And that meant a lot to me."

"...well, shit," Sora said, then regretted it. Luckily, Riku didn't seem to think anything of it.

"And... lastly... I would really like to try again.” He seemed to catch himself, flushing a little as he continued. “Not that I think we should jump back into a relationship! But, I would like to try at being friends again." For the first time, Riku seemed slightly nervous. "I understand if the answer is no. And I understand if the answer is 'not now.' I don't want to put you on the spot or anything, because that’s really... Not why I’m here. I just want to to make things right. So it's okay if you don't want to see me again. I’ll leave you alone if that's what you want. I have to start putting other people's needs in front of my own, because that's what love is." After Sora didn't respond, Riku ended, quietly, with, "...and I guess that's it." He brushed his hair away from his face, and that was when Sora realized he'd gotten it cut short. He knew something had been different.

"Do you remember," Sora started, finally. "The first night we met? How we got high and made out for like... two hours?"

Riku smiled, chuckling. "Yeah. I remember."

"And then we got together and killed an entire day watching my B movie collection?"

"Yeah. I don't think I ever laughed so hard in my life."

"Things were... they were normal between us then. You know? And when we first started dating... we were so chill. I want that back."

"I can give it to you," Riku replied. "I can try."

Sora watched Riku closely. He looked out of place, perched on the couch like a bird readying to take flight at a moment’s notice. Otherwise... Sora didn't know what he was looking for. "You said you need to put other people's needs first. Because that's what love is. You still love me, don't you." Riku closed his eyes tight, nodding slowly. "We could keep it down to... what, like, five texts. In a day. Unless we're having a conversation."

Riku cringed again. "I was batshit. Yeah, of course. I'd keep the texting to a minimum, and the calls. And I'm still working on controlling my... trust issues... but I promise I wouldn't give you any shit for hanging out with your friends. Or... for guys looking at you, or even you looking at other guys... I think it'd be a battle at first, for me, but I could do it." He laughed a little weakly. "Genius, remember?"

If Sora had put any rational thought into this, maybe he would have hesitated. Maybe he would have gotten Riku's new number and said "I'll keep in touch", and sent him on his way. 

But that's not what happened.

Instead, he said, "I think we can give it a try," and kissed him, and hoped for the best.


End file.
